IT'S GOOD TO BE A MAN

Your last name stays put. ---- Women get to choose if they WANT yours nowadays!

The garage is all yours. ---- Then why don't you CLEAN it???

Wedding plans take care of themselves. ---- That's because we already know you guys can't make a decision!

Chocolate is just another snack. ----Chocolate??? did someone say CHOCOLATE??????

You can be president. ----Hmmmm.... and that's a PLUS???

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. ---- Ahhh but can ya make money wearin one to a bar on wet t-shirt night??

Car mechanics tell you the truth. ---- We can get it done for free if we really WANTED to.

You don't give a rat's butt if someone doesn't notice your new haircut. ---- That's cuz ya ain't got alot of hair anyway!

The world is your urinal. ---- I don't bleed in your garage... don't pee where I walk!

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking. ---- It's you guys who make em icky to begin with! I think it's on purpose cuz you really don't want us on your domain!

Same work... more pay. ---- Cuz it takes you twice as long to do the same job!

Wrinkles add character. ---- We just tell you guys that. We don't really MEAN it.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. ---- Uh Huh... and who pays for it? DAD!

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. ----Sighhhh no comment.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. ---- Ummm... Yup! What's that tell ya?

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. ---- That's cuz you guys don't walk anywhere. Ya get ur first car and its to the corner store drivin ever since!

One mood, ALL the time. ---- SAYS WHO???

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. ----Yup. And when we say did you remember to ask ... ??? It's always a oh shit.... i FORGOT!

You know stuff about tanks. ----Thrilling!!!!

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. ---- That's cuz you want us to be able to SMELL you so we don't get lost in a foreign country!!

You can open all your own jars. ---- But can ya bleed for a week without dying??

You can leave the motel bed unmade. ---- Hell. I leave my bedroom bed unmade!

You can kill your own food. ---- Yeah and expect us to clean it and cook it, serve it and wash the damn dishes!

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. ---- It's not extra credit.. it's SHOCK!!!

Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack. ---- That's to get you to change em more often!

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. ---- Hmm if you're 34 and single... there's probably a reason too!

Everything on your face stays its original color. ---- Until you see the guy next door with YOUR dream car...

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. ---- You're just jealous cuz you can't do more than one thing at a time.. like ur make up, comb your hair, talk on the cell phone and change your pantyhose while driving to work!!

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. ---- Hell for you guys that's a lifetime pair of shoes!

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming. ----And where's the maid when you're MARRIED???

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He's mad at me." ---- Ahhhh but can you go to bed alone at night without thinkin "SHE'S mad at me??"

You don't mooch off other's desserts. ---- Hehehe guilty as charged!

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. ---- You can't remember to take out the garbage either... We know your brain can't handle more than that at a time.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. ---- If it was fixed right the FIRST time, we wouldn't HAVE to!

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. ---- Cuz they mesh right in with the stains from lunch!

Your belly usually hides your big hips. ----Hehehe NO comment beer gut!!

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. ---- And that's a PLUS?

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or your teeth. ---- How disgusting too! Scratch your ass.... do your nails! EWWWWWWW

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. ---- We KNOW.... We KNOWWWWW! Which is why they have such good return policies!

Thanks Bill

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, racing, or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom too!!

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.