I’M A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, AND I’M REALLY IN MY PRIME
I’M A MIDDLE-AGED BROAD, AND I’M LOOKING MIGHTY FINE
MATURE AND SEXY, HEALTHY AND FIT
NICE AND RIPE, AND I CAN’T REMEMBER SHIT

I’M IRRITABLE AND CRABBY, AND MY MOOD IS ON THE SWING- YES, IT IS

MY CYCLES ARE IRREGULAR, AND MY UNDERWEAR CLINGS

MY THERMOSTAT HAS REALLY GONE AWRY
I’M SWEATING LIKE A PIG, WHILE MY CHA CHA IS TOTALLY DRY

OOOHHH, I’M WORKING ON A HOT FLASH
YEAH, I’M ON THE VERGE
BUILDING UP STEAM FOR A POWER SURGE

HOT FLASH
NOW MY FACE IS RED
LOOKING FOR A TOWEL TO MOP MY HEAD

HOT FLASH
OOH, IT COMES ON QUICK
MY CLOTHES ARE DRIPPIN’ AND MY SKIN IS SLICK
(PANT PANT PANT) IS IT WARM IN HERE?
(PANT PANT PANT) IS IT HOT IN HERE?

HOT FLASH
AT THE GROCERY STORE
JAMMIN’ MY HEAD IN THE FREEZER DOOR

HOT FLASH
200 DEGREES… (spoken) WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN’ AT?

I’M PERIMENOPAUSAL, AND I CAN’T REMEMBER SQUAT
THERE’S A RINGING IN MY EARS, AND I TEND TO FART A LOT
A 5 O’CLOCK SHADOW WASN’T IN MY PLANS
EVERYTIME I SNEEZE, I FRICKING PEE MY PANTS

I CAN’T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT, MY LIBIDO’S OUT OF WHACK
I’VE GOT BIFOCAL CONTACTS, AND I’M SWEATING MORE THAN SHAQ

I’M FEELING REALLY ANXIOUS, MAYBE I COULD SCORE SOME CRACK
OR DRINK SOME BLACK COHOSH TEA (bleah, ick)

I’M A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, I SUDDENLY DON’T REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE
I MUST BE A MUSICIAN, BECAUSE I’M PLAYING A GUITAR

YES, I’M MIDDLE-AGED, HERE ON THIS STAGE
I’M MIDDLE-AGED, COMPLETELY CRAZED
I’M A MIDDLE-AGED….
(DON’T MESS WITH MY SOCIAL SECURITY!)

MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN!

4/30/07