THE exam … the Gynecology exam!!! One of the 2 times the woman puts off going to the doctor. God knows…I sure put it off! Give me a dozen kids for a day instead. WAIT! I didn’t mean that!


Ok… here we go… shakes and nervous sweats all the way there. Get into the clinic…then they make you wait a half hour.

Finally, you get into the room. There, you get the usual temp taken, blood pressure and get tossed a gown.

"Take everything off and put this on." Hmmmm…this? Well, "this" happens to be a very ugly thing that ties, and of course, one of the ties is always broken. So, now you are dressed in the gown.

Sitting on the table, trying to keep the back covered, cuz you know the door will be opened anytime now.

And it does. It’s the nurse again. Helps you to lay properly on the table, with your butt scooted to the end and feet in the stirrups.

(For those who know nothing about stirrups… they are 2 metal…VERY cold objects on either side of the table that a lady is suppose to rest her heels in.) Ok, get the picture now?

Nurse says, "Just relax and lay back. The doctor will be here soon." Yeah, sure he will.

So, you’re laying there…now, my doctor, who is male, has a yellow happy face sticker up on the ceiling. Yes, a happy face.

As you lay there for 10 or 15 minutes, in these stirrups, looking up at the sticker…you could be thinkin’… next time I'm here, I'll bring a wad of gum and see if it can cover the stupid little happy face!

The door opens and in walks the doctor and with my doctor, in walks his wife! My doctor’s wife is also his assisting nurse.

Hmmm not to sure I could watch my hubby looking up gowns all day.

Cheery hellos and always an "Ok. What can I do for you today?"

Geeeezzz, well Doc, just thought I’d come in here and wait for a train!

So, we get on with it! He tells ya, scoot down a little farther honey, as his wife pats my hand.

When I get into position, with my knees up around my ears, and a light shinin bright enough to light up Chicago…that’s when the speculum comes out!

COLD!..kept in the freezer I think.

Not too bad on the exam itself tho, except if the Dr has a visiting student and says "Would you mind if Dr. so and so sits in?" Yes, it has been asked! And YES I MIND!

So, you’re laying there while being examined and Dr hubby and wife are discussing what’s for dinner tonight. The bad part is when your doctor is looking and says, "Hmmmmm…", like he’s looking in the grand canyon or something!

You ask, "What’s wrong, Doctor?" he says…"nothing".

Soon, the pat on the leg, the sheet goes down and you’re told you can sit up.

Then, you can get dressed and the Dr. will be right back. He always comes back before you finish getting dressed tho. A few minutes of chatting and you’re free for another year!

Then, you’re walking out of the office, keeping your eyes straight ahead, because you know…without a doubt, all those men waiting for their wives are just smirkin at you!

That’s when I would just love to be a doctor myself, so I could just say "OK, bend over and cough!!!"